I Know What You're Thinking...

If you haven't heard, we are pregnant again! "Ah!"-that's what you're thinking isn't it? See, told you.

Here's the scoop if you want to know: It's suuuper long. Sorry, a pregnant girl has lots of extra feelings she needs to get out.

After we were blessed with the surprise of Tanner (which he was less of a surprise than this one, because, well... I wasn't on any kind of birth control, and we actually thought about trying around the time that I did get pregnant with him), I really just wanted time with our boys. I wanted to wait AT LEAST 3 years before we had another one. So, I got the IUD. I hated the pill, so an IUD which was hormone free seemed perfect. And it was! I felt practically normal through every cycle. It really was so nice. I would do it again if I hadn't gotten pregnant on the IUD!

So. Since I got the IUD, I was not keeping track of my cycles at all. I wasn't worried about it. Then one month, I was thinking my period was supposed to show up soon. So I waited. It never came. My boobs started to swell some, which doesn't happen even around my periods, so then I just knew I had to be pregnant. Uh yeah, I was freaking out, but it just seemed like an impossible thing to happen, so I tried not to freak out too much until we knew for sure. One monday morning, Spencer picked up a test for me. Took it. Yep, positive. I brought it in to show Spencer, and as I was walking toward him, tears were filling my eyes, and he said, "Negative?" like he thought I'd be disappointed if it was negative haha! So, I just showed him. He didn't say much, but asked how I was. At that point, it was obvious I wasn't doing okay haha. So, then I had to call my mom. She didn't answer. And after 3 times of trying to get a hold of her, I called my dad. He answered, so through my bawling, I told him. His response was, "Well, sometimes my dear, the Lord has other plans for us". Which, once the test was positive, I was sure that this was supposed to happen, but still the thought was absolutely overwhelming! Finally, my mom called back, and her response was the same as my dad's.

After talking to my parent's, we decided that it would probably be best to call the Dr's office to let them know what was going on in case something needed to happen. The Dr I would normally see was booked that day, so I saw another Dr. When we arrived, and she came in, she immediately jumped to taking the IUD out. We weren't expecting that, so then we asked if she was told that I got a positive pregnancy test. She was not told. Awesome. So she decided to take the IUD out anyway, which made me a little nervous, because it can increase the chance of miscarriage. But I knew that whatever happened was supposed to happen. They did an ultrasound that same day, and saw nothing there, but I didn't need an ultrasound or blood work done to know that there was a baby growing inside me. Before they did any blood work, we told them that we were just going to wait it out, and see what happens.

3 weeks later, I called the office again and told them the story again, and that I was still pregnant, and wondered if I should just go ahead and make my first pre-natal or what. They wanted me to come in that same day, and they would check things out to confirm a pregnancy. So, first we saw the Dr we will see throughout the pregnancy, and then they sent me down to get an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that there was in fact a baby in there with a healthy heartbeat, measuring 7 wks 1 day.

I'm now 12 weeks, and have my first real pre-natal appt in a few days. This baby, and Tanner will be 16 months apart. I'm due March 2, 2014. We will have 3 kids 2 1/2 and under! It seriously scares me to death. I can't even handle the two I have, how can we add another baby?? I also know we really are so blessed, and there are a lot worse things to go through. I'm not sure why, or what I'm supposed to learn, but I know this is what His plan is for our family. That is what gets me through the times that I feel really overwhelmed about everything. I'm really trying to have faith, and to rely more on the Savior. Oh boy... It'll be rough for quite a while, but it is what it is, and even though it's scary, we are happy!

Also, this pregnancy has been so different than the other two. I actually FEEL pregnant (extreme exhaustion, nausea, headaches, bloating). I'm not going to be shy about it, I do hope it's a girl! We absolutely love our boys, and will love this one just the same whether it's a boy or girl. But, it would make it more exciting if it were a girl haha. I'm hoping that because my symptoms are much different than my boys' that it means it's a girl. Which, according to old wives' tales, it does mean it's a girl. But, that's enough of that.

Spencer is funny. He was actually kind of wanting another one somewhat soon. I always said once they were both out of diapers, but he was like, "that's too far away". Haha! I am always surprised by some of the things he says. He also said things like, "We might as well carry on the tradition, and have a baby every year of Pharmacy school", which this is his last year, so I guess you got your wish Spence!

One thing that has been weighing on my mind are the friends and family I have that have been trying to get pregnant for a while. It is hard to know what to say to them when they learn I am pregnant, and got pregnant on an IUD. It's not fair. I wish so badly that everyone who wanted a baby of their own, could have one with little to no trouble. It's something we may never understand, but for some reason, some people get pregnant with ease, and others not. If you are one who is struggling to get pregnant, you're in my prayers. Truly. I pray very often for people who want babies, to have babies. I've only had a taste of what it's like to go through that, and I can't imagine how some people might feel. It's never my intention to one-up anybody, or to make others feel envious. please do not mistake me for that type of person. My love goes out to all of you!

In the end, I'm just grateful for my true friends. It's not easy finding and keeping a true friend, and so I'm grateful for those of you who sincerely care about me and my family. You all mean a lot to me. Thanks for all of your support! I don't want this post to sound like I don't want this baby. That's not it. It's that it takes a lot to raise a family, and to have 3 kids so little, I know will be hard. It is a lot of pressure, because I want the absolute best for my kids, and to give them the attention they really want and need will probably be impossible a lot of the time. My only hope is that since both of my boys will be in the toddler stage, that they will be good play buddies. Going anywhere will be nearly impossible by myself. Finding a babysitter who can handle three little kids all at once will be nearly impossible. Finding time with my husband without any baby interrupting will be nearly impossible. Having a decently clean house, will be nearly impossible. And to add to that, Spencer's schooling is still keeping him super busy this last year (not quite what we were expecting), so acting as a single parent most days will still be likely for a while after we have the baby. These are just a few of the reasons I feel overwhelmed. I just wanted to clear some things up as to why I am "freaking out". It's not because we don't want this baby. We just did not plan on this. Anyway, I better go before I put you all to sleep! But thanks again friends and family for all you do for our family!