Lesson Learned.

Today, when I went to church, I was excited (not that that's unusual for me, but keep reading...). I walked into sacrament, and there on the back row sat two girls without their husbands, who went to Snow College while I was there. They looked at me, and had a look that I thought was a disgusted look. I sat down on our bench, and kept my face down the entire meeting. Why? Because one of them is married to a guy who was roommates with a guy that had a thing for me, and maybe I wasn't all that interested in him, and he kissed me... Yucky. Anyway, I've worried since the day they moved into our ward that they would spread that around. And, being my over-evaluating self, I think they may have said some things to someone...

So, I'm sitting there in sacrament wishing I wasn't in this ward, and wishing that I had never met that guy at Snow. Sunday school comes, and I'm still thinking the same thing, hoping I'm invisible, not really caring to listen to the lesson, and counting down the minutes until I can go home to my safe haven.

Relief society always gets me. The lesson was on Christ's life. Of course there were so many things Christ did that I can learn from, and so many things I know I'm far from ever being close to how he was, but it definitely softened my heart. Because of course I was thinking, whenever they'd say something like we shouldn't judge people, that shame on these girls who maybe gave me a dirty look, for judging me for kissing that guy at Snow College. We all know that when Christ was on the cross he prayed to our Father in Heaven and said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do". Wow.

So, needless to say, LESSON LEARNED. I shouldn't have ill feelings toward someone who I'm not even sure doesn't like me, nor towards anyone. I worry A LOT about what people think of me, and then when I'm ignored, or I don't make friends, I think, "Shame on them for they know not what they do." I REALLY need to work on being as forgiving as Jesus Christ is. He had so many people betray him (and still does!), and he loved those who betrayed him, and crucified him. How do I have room to think negatively about people? Following the Savior's example will enrich my life, and hopefully those around me as well. I keep to myself at church (except for Whitney, Love ya!) and I definitely need to go out of my way, and ask people about themselves. It's SO not easy for me to do that, and that's why I think most people get the wrong idea about me. But, today I want you all to know, that I have a goal. At work, at church, wherever I am, I am going to step out of my comfort zone, and TALK to people! My little insecurites about myself hold me back, and I can't let that be the pattern for the rest of my life. When I don't make friends, I blame those around me, and judge THEM for not talking to ME. How sad! I will keep you all updated on how I do with these goals. I post them on here to make me feel more obligated to do them. I just know that if I were to be a more friendly person, wrong ideas about me would be less likely, and people might be happy to see my face. If I improve some, I know these girls won't think about what happened at Snow (if they even do). I have so much to work on, and I am reminded of that every week at church.